Week 15

How far along? 15 weeks

How are you feeling? Okay. I'm starting to get some pain my lower hips when I sit for long periods of time. I've also started getting some wicked headaches. Nausea has definitely slowed down though. I'll take that as a win!

Baby is the size of a(n): Apple. Just a little over 4 inches long.

Cravings: Nothing this week.

Aversions: Even the mention of eggs makes me feel sick. Smells are giving me headaches. Also, I've been having a few sips of coffee in the morning to help me function (still exhausted) and it has started to taste bitter. I am sad about this.

Testing/appts this week? On Wednesday, I have a regular Ob appt and Friday, I am getting the last part of the blood work for the sequential screening. Finally. The 7-10 day wait it going to feel like lifetime.

Milestones: Now that I'm visibly showing a lot of people are touching my stomach. It makes me feel highly uncomfortable. 

Positive Check Up

We had an appointment with the perionatologist yesterday. This was just to check on the subchorionic hematomas and see where they were in the healing phase. Also, to make sure that no new ones popped up.

Every time we get an ultrasound almost, the baby is asleep for the first part of it. Then, it is like he/she suddenly realizes that they are being watched and being frantically wriggling around. Obviously, the baby doesn't have any control over what is happening right now, but it is still funny!

The heartbeat was loud and strong at 149. 

The doctor said it looks like there is still one small, stubborn SCH but it looks like the others had drained and healed. Also, the important part, baby was totally fine and no new SCHs had showed up. It made us both feel a lot better.

My cousin, Julie, told me that they were able to determine the gender of her boys at 16 weeks, so since I was 14 weeks 5 days and measuring ahead, I thought I would take a stab at asking.

The tech said that she wasn't going to guess just yet because at this stage certain "girl parts" can be swollen and mistaken for "boy parts." The doctor offered to look next week when I go for my second round of blood work for the sequential screening (he said that we won't get official results from the testing for 7-10 days after the blood is drawn), but we turned it down. 

My level 2 ultrasound is scheduled for August 30th and we will find out then. I'll be 19 weeks and 5 days that day. It seems so far away! Anyone who knows me knows I hate waiting for a surprise. Especially the good ones :)

Maternity Leave

I had just stepped in to work and my boss stopped at my desk.

"I received authorization for your leave."

I was in the middle of setting up my desk for the day and that stopped me completely, mid-password.

He explained that they were authorizing 6 weeks of short-term disability for me, paid. This was better than I expected. I expected any leave I got to be completely unpaid given the amount of time I have been at this job. 

He made sure to emphasize, numerous times, that if there were any complications or a doctor suggested more time then they would be flexible. This was such a huge relief to me. I obviously don't anticipate anything happening, but it is good to know that they are going to be understanding if, God forbid, something does.

Having this type of response also reaffirms to me that I'm doing a good job. If they didn't consider me valuable, my fate for leave could have looked much differently. I work with an amazing group of people, though. Everyone is so nice and it seems that they genuinely enjoy being around each other. Everyone works hard and is intelligent, intuitive, creative and very quick to think outside of the box. I'm happy.

Whenever people find out at work that we are pregnant, the response isn't hesitant or timid. Not one person has given any hint of concern about whether I will come back to work or not - because they already know I will. I'm greeted with joy and excitement! 

Everything is going to be okay. 

Feeling Gross

I was miserable today. Blinding headache, severe nausea and complete exhaustion. My assumption is that my body wants no parts in me upping the dosage of the Lamotrigine. I remember how sick I got when we first put me on it after being ok Carbamazepine for so long. It was brutal for so many weeks.

Work dragged today. I finally made it to the end of the week though. However, it wasn't before a waitress "outed" my pregnancy in front of 5 of my coworkers, haha. At this point, I don't care since the CEO knows. Who would I be hiding it from? And it's not like they aren't going to notice my huge belly growing over the upcoming months.

We were at a "goodbye dinner" for a few team members that are going back to the office overseas.

The conversation went as follows:

Waitress: So, you'll have the chicken crit- Oh my God, you're pregnant!

Me: *stunned* ....yeah....

Entire group of coworkers: *look up at me in unison with wide eyes*

It was embarrassing but at least they know now. 

I actually left dinner a little early because it became too much. I felt horrible leaving but I think my drive home would've gone much worse if I had stayed.

On a different note, I heard back from my boss about my maternity leave option. I want that to be on a dedicated post so I'll write it up tomorrow.

Goodnight!

Finally Sorted Out

I spoke to Gary this morning. He called in the correct medication and I'm going to pick that up after work. 

He also said that Dr. L wants me taking 5mg of folic acid from now on.

The pharmacy called though and they have to give me a partial prescription because they don't have enough to fill the entire thing. They also said that Dr. L's office offered to pay for the medication that was the wrong prescription. Now that I think about, I'm not sure this is true. My pharmacy tends to say things just to get out of holes sometimes.

Dr. L's office really, really didn't have to do that. It is so sweet and amazing though that a doctor's office cares that much about their patients. Only problem is that I now have an entire bottle of the wrong medication at home that I cannot use and the pharmacy won't take back.

My official dosing now is:

• Lamotrigine ER: 250 mg 2x/daily

• Folic acid: 4.8mg

Dosage Change

I never thought I'd be making this post this early in my pregnancy. 

I felt "off" all day. My leg was slightly numb, too, which is the feeling I usually get if I forget to take my meds. I knew I took them though. So - I knew what this meant.

I have to raise my meds.

I called Nurse Gary and told him that I would take the increase that Dr. L suggested and that they haven't led me wrong yet, but that I wanted to increase my folic acid intake if we were increasing the amount of Lamotrigine. Gary said that it was smart to suggest that and they would call in the scripts.

I will be taking 250mg of Lamotrogine ER 2x/daily until they tell me otherwise.

I get that I am doing what is safest for both the baby and me but it is still disappointing to have to raise the dosage only 2 days into the second trimester. I didn't want to expose the baby to any more of the medication than was absolutely necessary. And yes, I understand that in my case, it absolutely necessary.

I picked up the new dosage of medication and when I got home, I realized that they called in the regular Lamotrigine and not Lamotrigine ER. I have to call Gary in the morning to fix this - and to verify the amount of folic acid since that wasn't called in today. I'm assuming he never heard back from Dr. L about it, but I want to know what's happening before I start putting more of this medication into my system.

I'll update again when I have the official instructions. I just want this all to go smoothly and for everyone to be on the same page. 

Week 14

How far along? 14 weeks! Yay for the second trimester!

How are you feeling? Having a better time sleeping lately. I got a body pillow so I think that's helping. However, smells are overwhelming right now and eating is making me nauseous.

Baby is the size of a: Lemon :)

Cravings: Nothing this week.

Aversions: Even the mention of eggs makes me feel sick. Smells are giving me headaches. (Same as last week)

Testing/appts this week? After the debacle that happened last week, I'm getting one more ultrasound to make sure the clots fully disappeared. Not having anymore cramping or bleeding though.

Milestones: Second trimester starts today! I can't believe how quickly this is going. Our raspberry is going to be here before we know it!

Levels

Nurse Gary called me today to tell me that Dr. L has reviewed the results of my Lamotrigine levels. 

They came back low at 3.6. He said the number and my heart sank. I really didn't want to raise my dosage so early in the pregnancy. The goal was to hold out as long as possible to keep both the baby and me safe. He said he was going to discuss options with Dr. L.

The second I hung up with him, I called back. I remembered that I took this level much later than I usually do and had been fasting for more than 8 hours. I wasn't sure if this made a difference or not, but it was worth bringing up.

Nurse Gary said he wasn't sure either and it was worth Asking. When he called me back, he said that Dr. L was going to leave me on my current dosage (anything above 2.5 is therapeutic) and I would recheck my levels 4 weeks from now and make a decision about upping the meds. This would put me at 18 weeks pregnant (almost halfway through pregnancy) before having to up my meds.

This plan makes me feel much better. If I feel any different between now and 4 weeks from now, I'll call and let them know.

Here's to more progress and changes.

It continues...

I woke up today sore and already feeling miserable.

I started my day by getting my Lamotrigine trough level taken (no big deal, if I don't hear from Dr. L's office by Monday, I'll call). I'm really hoping that we don't have to raise my meds just yet. I would like to hold out as long as possible before doing that. I don't want to have to raise it too much - for both the baby's and my sake.

During the day, my pain in my stomach started getting much worse. It became really sharp and I wanted to go home. I called Dave practically crying and he suggested I go to Maternal Fetal Medicine in my building.

I walked in and they called my Ob to make sure I should go there and not the ER. They took me in and Dave met me at the office. They looked at the baby and baby still looks good. The blood clots have started to shrink, but my stomach is still extremely sensitive.

I muscled through work. After finally making it home, I still had to get my Rhogam shot (since I'm a different blood type than the baby). I have to say, I don't like doing that at ALL. The shot is a two-inch needle that they stick IN YOUR BUTT. Not fun.

I'm usually good with needles but this HURT. I have to redo this shot at 28 weeks and also after delivery - and I don't wanna. It was so painful.

This needs to get easier.

Doctor results

I'm currently home on the couch. Today was ridiculously long and I left work.

What was supposed to be a quick appointment turns into a 2-hour ordeal and blood work. After knowing how much pain I was in and the amount spotting I was having, they pretty much rushed me into the ultrasound room to check everything out. They took a ton of pictures at all angles. Before I even left the room, the tech thought she saw blood in my ovaries.

Hearing those words made me panic. She assured me that the doctor was going to go over my results and let me know what was really going on. Because this was an emergency appointment, I didn't see Dr. S, but someone else in the office. We'll call her Dr. V. She told me that she saw a few blood clots, called subchorionic hematomas, that were fairly large and surrounding the baby in the uterus. They are caused by bleeding in the uterus. Her biggest concern was that since I had bleeding when I first found I was pregnant, and again now, that I am at a risk for miscarriage (she explained there's only a 5% chance of it actually happening, but once you bleed/spot more than once that the chance increases). Because of this, they did an exam to check my cervix and see if I was dilated any (apparently, there is a slim chance of preterm labor as well - although, highly unlikely).

I wasn't dilated and it looked like my blood had stopped at least temporarily. Dr. V said that's a good sign. However, I am going back to see them in a week in order to double check the baby and the size of the clots. From this point forward, I'm going to be monitored pretty closely. Dr. V also stressed that if I have any bleeding from this point forward, no matter the color, I need to call and come in for an ultrasound and check on the baby (at least I get to see baby more often!!).

She also sent me for Rhogam. Rhogam is used when a mom has RH- blood and the baby is RH+. There is a chance of complications, especially during the delivery if the blood mixes together. It is more for the second baby more than the first, but the potential for it to cause problems is always there. They previously checked my antibodies for it and I will have to repeat this process around 25 weeks pregnant.

I was told that I should go home for the day, relax and not go to work. Since it was my breakfast day (my work has someone bring in breakfast once a week), I stopped in and dropped off my breakfast and told my boss that I was going home. He knew about my doctor's appointment already and when I walked in the door, he immediately said, "Go home. I can tell you're obviously in pain. Do what you need to do to take care of your baby and you." I felt so relieved that he was so awesome about it.

Now, it's just a waiting game until my next appointment to see that everything is going to be okay with the baby.

Not going to lie, I'm scared about what is going to happen next.

Ugh...

I'm in a lot of pain right now. I started spotting late last night and it has continued (and had continuously gotten heavier) through the day and night. This is accompanied by some pretty painful cramping in the middle of my stomach.

Because I'm a huge bundle of nervous energy like the rest of my family, I called Dr. S' office and told them what was going on. The nurse I spoke to asked a bunch of questions about my prenatal history and hung up with me to go talk to a doctor.

She called back, saying, "We're going to set you up for an 8:15am ultrasound and exam. You're the first appointment of the day."

I have called for pain or spotting (not pain and spotting) and every time, her response would be like, "See how you feel in the morning and call us." The matter-of-a-fact nature of this woman's statement couldn't have sent me more into a tizzy.

I'm sure it's nothing. The more I think about it (even in pain), the more I think it is nothing. But I'm too uncomfortable not to be seen. Especially with the pain. They scheduled me for an ultrasound and an internal exam. If my stomach continues to feel like this, I'm going to be dreading both. I'm so uncomfortable and hurting.

Slowly, the spotting has slowed down. However, the cramping is just as hard and frequent. Ugh.

I'll post as an update tomorrow.

Telling Work

I told work about my pregnancy today.

This truly was terrifying for me. It was a conversation that I wasn't sure I might have one day - especially after only starting my full-time job three months ago.

I didn't originally see my boss when he came in the office for the day (he sneaked in the back entrance), so I had most of the morning to gather my thoughts and work up the nerve. However, I went to go fill my water bottle at the sink and ran into him. After discussing some work topics, I nervously asked him if he would have time to set aside to talk to me. He agreed that he would message me once he had a free moment (we use an instant messaging system to talk to each other instead having to call a person each time we have a simple question).

Around 11:30 in the morning, he told me to come to his office. I kept repeating in my head, "It's going to be okay, it's going to be okay..."

I shut the door behind me and just came out with it, "My husband I recently found out that we are pregnant and I am due in late-January."

I barely got through the sentence before he said, "Congrats!! That's so exciting!" *cue weight being lifted from shoulders* I still was very nervous though. I felt like I was shaking on the inside. With me being so new at the company, I wasn't sure how supportive they would be in terms of going to doctor's appointments during the work day or going on maternity leave. Since I knew I don't qualify for FMLA, the unexpected is frightening.

Soon after my meeting with my boss was over, the Human Resources Manager came to my desk and told me that he heard the news. He was so excited, he practically hugged me. It was really sweet. He told me that he was going to discuss options with his supervisor and that they would be run by the CEO who makes the final decision. Considering the CEO doesn't live in the country and I've only met him once, I don't know how he will react. I probably won't know what actually what will happen until about late-October or early-November.

I stressed how much I love working for the company and that I plan to go back to work after the baby is born, so hopefully that will work in my favor (considering I meant it).

Only time will tell what will actually happen, but it is nice to officially be completely public with our pregnancy. I'm in the last week of my first trimester and I have wanted to share this news with everyone for so long. I can't believe the first trimester is already ending. Our baby will be here before we know it...

Week 13

I can now start posting in real-time since I caught you guys up on all the initial testing. From here on out, I will be posting weekly about how I'm feeling, any testing and milestones. Let the fun begin!

Week 13

How far along? 13 weeks, last week of the first trimester, already!!

How are you feeling? Lately, I've been having some rough days. Constantly nauseous and exhausted. Staying awake at work has truly been a challenge. Truly.

Baby is the size of a: Medium-sized shrimp

Cravings: Basically anything that includes chocolate.

Aversions: Even the mention of eggs makes me feel sick. Smells are giving me headaches.

Testing/appts this week? I have to get my Lamotrigine levels checked this week to make sure we don't have to raise the dosage. No appointments though.

Milestones: My belly popped! I have the tiniest little bump. I will be posting pictures later when I'm not posting from my phone. Also, I'm telling work tomorrow and I'm totally nervous about it. We will see how that goes.

Catching Up pt. 2

This post is going to be crazy long...

We saw a nurse shortly after this to discuss our family history and how the next couple of months were going to go. It was then, she asked us our plans for genetic testing. Since AEDs can cause neural tube defects and I am a high risk pregnancy patient because of epilepsy, she suggested I get a sequential screening. 

This test uses an ultrasound to check for chromosomal conditions such as Down Syndrome and Trisomy 18 & 21. They also take two blood tests in order to determine the risk of neural tube defects. While this test doesn't provide a diagnosis, it is around 90% accurate in assessing risk.

We were sent to see a perinatologist for this and because of my high risk status, all of my ultrasounds will be performed there from now on. The tech used a Doppler this time to do the ultrasound. When we had our original dating ultrasound, I was only 7 weeks pregnant and the baby was too small to measure with a Doppler, so they did an internal ultrasound. She explained that she was going to look for a visible nose plate (babies with Downs have a really really small one) and the thickness behind the neck (if a baby has a chromosomal disorder, the neck tends to be thicker). 

To be honest, this test petrified me. It scared me to the point that I felt like I couldn't breathe when I thought about it sometimes. Knowing that I conceived a child on a medication that could potentially cause harm (although Lamotrigine is an arm and a leg safer than others) is a scary thought. Even though I know I did everything right, I was going to hold my breath until I knew for a fact that everything was okay. The entire walk in, Dave kept repeating to me, "No matter what this says, it doesn't change anything." There are no words for how much I love my husband...

Our little one was sleeping when the ultrasound started. He/she was sleeping with arms above the head, just like Mommy :) The tech gently nudged the baby and he/she began flailing as if to say, "Leave me alone, Mom, I'm sleeping."

Stats: Baby came back with a heart rate of 168 bpm, a very, very visible nose plate (Daddy's nose!!) and a neck thickness of 0.9 and they were looking for it to be under 2.5 in order for it to be considered normal. So the chances of Downs and Trisomy 18 or 21 is very slim. Such a relief.

They told us that they would only call us after the first blood test if they saw that something raised a red flag. It is a week later and still no phone call, so that's a great sign. My second round of blood work for the sequential is August 2nd and that will give us a more clear view. As long as they don't call in between now and then, I feel confident that our little blessing is doing just fine in there :)

Catching Up pt. 1

Like I said, the next couple of posts are going to catch you guys up to this point. I'm am going to try and cram all the information in a couple of posts so I can begin posting real-time.

I called Dr. S the Tuesday after we found out (it was Memorial Day weekend so business was closed Monday). The response I received was basically, "You're what?" They were all as stunned as we were, but really happy. The majority of the nurses were already familiar with my background, so I know their congratulations were truly genuine.

I was sent for blood work (beta test, it measures the amount of pregnancy hormone in your blood stream and comfirms + pregnancy). The doctor said that anything above 15 is considered pregnancy (non-pregnant women usually range between 5-10). After 3,000, it is considered viable and after 6,000, they can hear a heartbeat.

My original blood work came back at 36,000! I was definitely pregnant. Definitely. After 48 hours, they had me repeat the beta test and my number was up to 48,950. As long as it is increasing, it means the baby is growing.

Dave and I then had my first prenatal visit. They took us into the ultrasound room to date the pregnancy and make sure everything was okay (I had been experiencing some pain and spotting). The tech found the baby pretty much instantly. Baby M was front and center :)

And then, the most amazing sound I've ever heard came over the monitor.

At 145 bpm (beats per minute), our baby's heartbeat came in loud and clear. I will never, ever forget the way Dave's face looked. He lit up brighter than the sun. It was amazing. I squeezed his hand and teared up as the tech said, "That's your baby."

Since then, I've done all the prenatal blood work (including the gestational diabetes testing - the stuff you drink is horrendous) and everything came back normal. So far, my Lamotrigine levels look good and Dr. L is happy where they are in my first trimester. (Remember when I wrote about my levels being 5.1? That was the first check of my pregnancy Lamotrigine levels)

I still can't believe this is happening. It doesn't feel real. We are so blessed! 

Breaking the News

I can finally say this out loud.

As of today, I am 12 weeks pregnant. We still can't believe it. After years of procedures, medication, pain, emotional ups and downs and numerous doctors telling me that it was going to take us years, if at all, because of my epilepsy, PCOS and endometriosis, I am pregnant with our first child.

According to the doctor, I am due January 19, 2014 (personally, I think it's earlier than that. Every ultrasound we go to is measuring about a week ahead). I went off birth control the first week of April and within the first week, I was having headaches, my chest was painful and I was exhausted. My doctor told me that this was typical of coming off birth control. The only thing is that these symptoms only increased and never went away. To begin with, they probably were caused by me coming off the hormones, but continued because of me being pregnant. By this math, this means that I got pregnant within the first two weeks of being off birth control! Both of us were stunned.

We actually found out Memorial Day weekend, the day after we got back from vacation. I hadn't been feeling well on the way back from vacation. I originally thought that I had a UTI and even got medication for it (I was peeing so much and I was cramping). After three days of feeling miserable, Dave told me to take a test.

I took two. 

Ha! Two different brands. Both times the + and the two lines appeared pretty much instantly. I literally paced back and forth for almost an hour upstairs, It took all the nerve I had to go downstairs and tell Dave. I didn't know what to do!! I always dreamt that I would tell him in some elaborate way that would show him how much I love him and would completely sweep him off of his feet. However, I wasn't going to hold this huge secret in while he was none-the-wiser. I couldn't. So I gave him this:

Front:

Inside: 

I had mentally prepared Dave and myself for an extremely difficult road when trying to have children. I was expecting fertility drugs, laparoscopies, doctor appointments and therapies. However, I still wouldn't say that getting to this point was easy. We made sure we did everything possible to ensure a healthy a baby before even starting. I truly believe in my heart that God saw how badly we wanted this baby and once both the baby and myself would be in a safe place during the pregnancy, He blessed us.

The picture above is from our sequential ultrasound (checks for Down Syndrome and Trisomy 18). Our baby is growing so quickly! The next couple of posts will catch you guys up on the appts I've had over the month and a half.

Good night!

Facing Your Diagnosis

"I remember thinking, 'Oh my god, my whole life, I'm going to every second of the day think about cancer. Every second of the day.' It's amazing to see that when you just change your attitude and you realize, 'No, this isn't who I am. This is just part of my journey.' It's going to make me stronger." - Guiliana Rancic, breast cancer survivor and tv show host, discussing changing her attitude about being diagnosed with cancer.

Changing your attitude about your diagnosis, whether it is epilepsy, cancer, diabetes, whatever, will change your life. Life is too short to just think about how unfair you believe your situation is. By finding the good with the bad you can add positive value and peace.