Finally Facing It Part 1)

I've put off this post long enough, I didn't want to write it because if I did, it meant that all of this was true and not some horrible dream I'm having. Why can't this just be a horrible dream I'm having?

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On June 6, 2014, while I was at work, I started experiencing some auras and was feeling a little dizzy. I went into the bathroom to put my head between my legs and try to collect myself. I did my breathing exercises and was trying to take hold of the situation, but it was too late.

I felt like leg go and I began having seizure-like seizing (more later on why I word it this way). It lasted for about 3 minutes and after it was over, miraculously, I got up, I called my family to come get me from work, told my boss I was leaving and acted like nothing happened.

I still didn't feel right though. Something still wasn't right.

My father-in-law got me. On the way home, he kept asking how I was feeling. If we should go to the hospital. It wasn't until we got near the exit to our house that I told him that I thought I was going to have a seizure and that we should go to the hospital. We got Dave (the hospital is 250 yards from our house) and then it started.

It lasted about 20 minutes. There's a lot missing. However, I remember thinking, "Why isn't this stopping?" and the seizing was more in my groin and that hurt more. I remember my father-in-law telling me to "settle" and thinking, "I can't." I was admitted to the hospital and was there for 2 days. There's a lot missing from those 2 days. I have disjointed memories. I remember random specific things like thinking that the idiot nurse we had looked like Andy Dick and that before I went to sleep I watched an episode of "King of Queens" with my mom. It was a weird experience for me.

One of the doctors at the hospitals explained to Dave and me that what happened at work probably wasn't a seizure, but more likely a "warning shot." Something called Psychogenic non-epileptic seizures (PNES). They aren't necessarily seizures, but present the same symptoms without the brain charge that an epileptic charge has. They are common in people with people who have complex partial seizures.

It's now January 3, 2015 and I'm still seizure-free. 

To be continued...

Whatever you do, you need courage...

"Whatever you do, you need courage. Whatever course you decide upon, there is always someone to tell you that you are wrong. There are always difficulties arising that tempt you to believe your critics are right. To map out a course of action and follow it to an end requires some of the same courage that a soldier needs. Peace has its victories, but it takes brave men and women to win them." - Ralph Waldo Emerson, American Poet and Essayist, 1803-1882